Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Avataar - The Revenge

The Na'vis from Avatar are here in retaliation to what the humans did to Pandora....

I have personally seen them around here and they have decided to capture one part of Mumbai...

... not very surprisingly they have decided to call it Na'vi Mumbai

Somebody help... (the author)

adios...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

IPL 3.0

IPL 2.0 is being termed as a wash out... both literally and figuratively... yeah seriously... what else can you say about (1)the empty stands that never are shown on camera... (2)Lalit Moti trying his level best to socialize with a group of young women... and (3)Shilpa & Shamita Shetty (yeah we figured we keep the worst for the last)...

Having said that IPL's tour of South Africa has been a dismal failure, our consulting organization has taken Lalit Modi into custody (we havent arrested him for any wrong doings with the ladies above or Shahrukh khan for that matter) and given him some great tips about how to go about conducting IPL 3.0

Here are the excerpts of the clandestine document that we plan to forward to Lalit Modi...

1. John Buchanan, Sreesanth & Harbhajan Singh to be promoted from the post of players to cheer leaders. This has been done keeping in mind the impressive "uchal kood" that they have been doing in IPL 2.0

2. With the highly paid big guns (read Kevin Pietersen & Freddy Flintoff) turning into water pistols, we recommend cost cutting measures like VVS Laxman, Wasim Jaffer, Mohd Kaif, Aakash Chopra & Sanjay Bangar to be brought back to IPL 3.0. To counter the slack in speed of scoring we'd hire 2 year olds to bowl to them (and hope that they have a good strike rate... the batsmen we mean)

3. KKR owner Shahrukh Khan to bury hatchet with Bhuvan (Aamir Khan) and have him play for KKR as the opening Batsman and Captain (probably the only one) to try and reverse some fortunes for the team. If everything fails, then KKR owner needs to go back to the drawing board and revise the "Sattar Minute" dialogues (from Chak De India) and pep up the team with them.

4. Rajasthan Royals to rename their team name to Rajasthan Royal Chuckers. Every good performing bowler they seem to bring in seems to be having a problem with the 15 degree bend while bowling. They should bring in Lasith Malinga into the team and see if the jinx continues or not. (Are we the only people who suspect Lasith's action?)

5. Make sure this new government lasts for the entire term by donating generous funds to their "good cause". This will ensure no elections atleast for the next 4-5 years and thereby having the IPL in India in Hot, Sticky and Non-Washout conditions... (The generous funds would flow from BCCI [Sharad Pawar] to Congress/NCP [Sharad Pawar])

6. Try and rename this to something eye-catching and interesting like 'Iyer's Premier League' or 'Iyers Premier League' (See there are two options.. with and without the apostrophe)

adios...

On a completely different note, the best thing about IPL 2.0 is the zoozoos campaign.. If you haven't seen any one of the ads on TV... you better catch it on YouTube or some other place... The campaign is simple yet super-fabulous.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Raging Superstar...

We were reading news the other day... (Generally we follow Satyam since we are a super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super minor shareholder of this scrip).. but this news was about Bollywood... our long lost love Bollywood...

This news article carried the news about the new Hrithik-Look-And-Dance-And-Sound-Alike guy Harman Baweja and the spelling used for him was Hurman Baweja... at first we thought this was a typo... but we later found that this guy had actually changed his name...

But we tell you what... his fortune didn't change... Victory was super-ultra-duper flop... and his name change didn't work for him... and he will be continue to be a flop until he listens to us and our deep & profound studies...

Our Studies suggest that if he has to become a "RAGING" superstar... he should change his name to... HORMONE BAWEJA...

That way he also gets a lot of bong ladiej fan following (Since Harman becomes Hormone.. in bong)

Saturday, March 07, 2009

See the change...

***Who moved my cheese? It doesn't matter... its gone sour anyways... ***

Who moved my cheese talks about change and all things related to change. We managed to move our cheese and change somethings around here... look around...

Yeah the only thing that's changed is our title... and the tag line... and if you think this is some kind of cheap publicity to the new title & tag line.... you cannot be anymore right...

Why Iyer Studies?
  • All economies are in a very bad state
  • Job losses galore... people are laid off and no new jobs to take
  • Bench Strength is beginning to trim... and the ones on them are being "re-skilled"
Who said we didn't see it coming... all of these guys are moving to pursue higher (Iyer) studies... We are back in demand baby...

In addition to all of the above issues, the current and the future trend also seems that nobody is ever going to be satisfied with a simple bachelor's degree... so in effect every body , except babies of the age group 1-3 months, wants to pursue Higher(Iyer) Studies...

And we will provide them just that...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Eye Opening Facts...

We went on this place for work for a couple of weeks and we had great amount of eye opening experiences in our life... It opened our eyes so much that we are sitting here in the middle of the night trying to type some non-sense into our dormant blog... Some other people might want to call it jet lag, but you don't believe them...

Anyways, since the place was international, the eye-opening experiences too are... and we were just waiting for the right time for Iyerospace to go global... you know with recession and all... with costs coming down... we thought this is just the right time to sneak in a bad post... with so much bad stuff happening around this world... nobody might notice this... so here goes nothing...

You know the Mexicans... they have stolen the language from us Indians... our eye opening experiences and subsequent research tells us just that... Some guy told me that the Mexicans pronounce all their 'L' as 'Y' which brought all our pronunciations of the Mexican delicacies to earth... but then the positive side of it was we discovered how the Mexicans slowly but steadily stole our local language and disguised them by replacing the spellings and finally changed the pronunciations on our 'Y' with their 'L'. Here is an example

Quesadilla - Pronounced "kaise diya" is actually what all of us say when we go to vegetable vendors... Isn't that stealing in public?

What we now plan to do is to sneak in "Iyerism" in their culture in the same way they stole our language...

We propose that we create a couple of new words like

Saptilla - Pronounced "Saptiya" (tamil word which means 'have you eaten?')...
Poilla - Pronounced "Poiya" (tamil word which means 'get lost')...

Don't be surprised if you find something like this happening in the future... in one of the popular mexican joints...

Tam1: Saptilla
Counter Guy: what?
Tam1: Poilla... *walks away... serves them right*

what say? eye opening or jet lag?

Monday, October 27, 2008

Happy Diwali..

We here at Iyerospace wish All of you Readers (albeit, our dean always asks us to use Both instead of All, which according to him depicts the right number of people) a Happy Diwali and a Prosperous New Year.

Here are our wishes for Diwali...

We wish that..
.. you keep exploding crackers throughout the coming year unlike this year where the stocks and the stock market exploded instead of the crackers

.. the prices of your stocks keep going up with every session just like Akshay Kumar's market valuation goes up after every film that he completes

.. the upcoming year be peaceful without any Himesh music or Movie releases

.. there are no more reality(dance/singing) shows on television in the next year

.. Rajnikant gets a super super super star status just like sri sri sri ravi shankar. And that his roles (rajni's) in guest appearances be longer than the protagonist's

.. some of the elder cricket players declare their retirement and give company to Dada

.. you get wisdom and peace of mind by not reading this blog anymore

We thank you profusely for all the flowers, wishes, sweets, crackers that you didn't send across...

Happy Diwali again...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Tandoori Nights...

is the title of a song from Himmesh Reshammiya's (HR) latest movie title called KARZZZ out of which we suppose KAR is silent in the title and the only thing worthwhile must be ZZZ...

And before you begin to wander your thoughts, we havent committed the henious crime of going and watching that movie... it definitely isn't our FARZZZ to watch his KARZZZ... but we thought it would be a good idea of letting our imagination's horses run helter-skelter and come up with the possible story in this film... So here goes our version of KARZZZ which might put HR'S version to shame...


Mr Previous Janam (PJ) is a ultra-super-rich-brat of a kid who's got loads of money to throw. He is in love with Ms Jawaan Across Janams (JAJ) and they decide to get married. Once they are married, they drive to PJ's house to meet his mom and take ashirwaad. On the way there is a house of horror on the road, where PJ wants to take a look at whereas JAJ stays back in the car. PJ has a running nose. As PJ is just out of the house of horrors after a "hair raising" experience with an inhaler up his nose (to treat his running nose), JAJ kills him by repeatedly banging him with his own jeep and PJ dies a death with the inhaler in his nose and his hair still raised...

Cut to current janam we have HR singing and recording ultra numerous songs which are being disliked by a lot of people but at the same time these songs are considered to be a runaway hit... HR suddenly becomes a rockstar.. with two strange gifts... one a cap.. and second a nasal voice... He likes little girls (the ones below the age of 18) and one such kid...err... "little girl with good make up to look ladylike" falls in love with him and they become a pair... in this janam

HR is happy with himself and his life, his newly signed contracts on reality shows et al.... but deep at heart, he is seeking answers... primarily he is looking for the source of his two gifted talents... his cap and his voice... and he is troubled by a series of dreams that depict some guy with an inhaler and spiked hair being crashed and thrashed by a car... over and over again... He consults his dream catcher who attaches certain strings to HR's dream and manages to read a board on the dream that says "Bhalej".. That's the place where answers could be found...

HR, along with the kid...er... his love life... goes to Bhalej and finds the spot of his dreams with a tattered house of horrors. That is where he uses his singing prowess to invoke ghosts and gets to know the past life's story from them... Now he has a very clear picture of what has to be done... to get his revenge from Ms JAJ.. who still for some reason looks the same... like she'd just walked out of his dreams and right in front of him...

He begins executing his plans one by one... Firstly, he had to gain popularity ... and since negative popularity is far more potent than positive one... he goes about insulting music directors and musicians driving him on top of every chart... He then goes ahead to get a hair transplant... which failed miserably... which is replaced by having some fashionable japanese wig that gives him PJ's hair raised looks... This is then followed by stalking JAJ and making her feel like a kid... er... young lady... that she isn't, thus making her feel younger and HR comfortable (since he's always comfortable around kids... er... young ladies)... Now HR and JAJ are a pair... and JAJ is ready to do anything for HR... absolutely anything.....

... that includes coming to an Exclusive HR show at Hotel "Tandoori Nights", the most popular club in that constituency... JAJ, when turns out for the show finds that she is the only one who is there in the hotel.. and the invite actually turned out to be Ram Gopal Varma's Challenge... HR was Ramu's horror heist... and JAJ had to put up with him all by herself... which sadly she didn't and by the end of the second song... she was resting in peace... in a lot of pieces... waiting to be picked up by PJ from above... and HR got his revenge...

But the challenge is still there, for anyone to take... three hours, all alone with HR in hotel Tandoori Nights... all he awaits is the next challenger...

adios...

PS: We saw the video of this song and we think what they really mean is "Tan Doori Nights" (keep bodies away night... probably because no-one was properly deodorized)